Shadows

 

It’s no secret that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’ve discussed it heavily in all of my non-fiction works and touched on it a bit even in several of my novels. I’ve been in treatment since 2013 and my second clinical remission since 2017. Even still, there are days (what are commonly referred to as trauma anniversaries) where my physical symptoms manifest.

It’s nice to have successfully separated my emotional state from the physical symptoms, and it’s frustrating to be helplessly strung along when my brain short circuits. This past week has been one of my more significant trauma anniversaries.

My hyper vigilance kicked in, I couldn’t sleep, and I laser focused on finishing my latest book. It’s very similar to a manic state without the associated psychosis honestly. The frustrating part about dealing with physical symptoms vs emotional symptoms is that I can’t control them. They happen regardless of my emotional state.

I will say this year has been much easier to ride the wave since life otherwise has been going well. In years past the stress of the holidays combined with my PTSD has sent me into depression in addition to the fog of hyper awareness which made me a miserable mess that couldn’t sit still. Lol. This year I’ve sort of harnessed the energy and put it to good use.

It’s a refreshing change, even if I am still surrounded by the shadows of my past.

-Becca

Candy Apple Butterscotch: A Memoir Paperback and Kindle version available now. Audiobook coming soon!

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