Pause for Reflection

I’ve suddenly received a huge influx of reviews for most of my catalogue. I don’t really know why other than I casually examined a review marketing website and signed up for a free trial. When my trial ended I wasn’t too happy with the results so I never renewed my membership.

Several months later ALL THE REVIEWS have poured in, most of them appearing on my latest work Jericho. I don’t know what to do with this. lol. I have no idea how to respond to the fact that I actually have an audience who seems to genuinely enjoy my writing and I certainly don’t know what to do with all of the praise my work has received.

You know how it goes. You work hard on your craft or in your chosen profession, but rarely receive any recognition; then suddenly you’re thrust into the spotlight and people are praising you left and right. It’s… uncomfortable. lol.

When I began my writing journey I did so in order to help myself emotionally process the trauma in my past. It sounds quite selfish when I put it this way, but the books were all about me. I understood the impact they had on the world at large and for other people involved so I took care to find a balance between privacy and healing, but really… the book itself was for me and no one else. To have an audience who actually appreciates my work is… honestly kind of a surprise.

The end goal when publishing a book is obviously to sell it, or at least market it and make an attempt to sell it. Otherwise, I could have printed it at my local copy shop and had it bound to sit on my self. I wanted to put myself out there, but I never expected to receive the support and praise which I have.

Maybe that was simply my own self doubt, selling myself and my abilities short. I’ve always been told I have a way with words, but hearing it from close friends and family doesn’t have the same impact as seeing totally impartial strangers share the same sentiments.

EvenLavender Raindrops, my first novel that I threw together in two weeks after it sat on myself unfinished for years, has received praise recently and… It kind of makes me hesitate. I know Lavender Raindrops is not my best. I know there are a million plot holes and I can watch the story fall apart within the last few chapters. When I read the review my first thought was: “What the hell have you been reading, if you think this is good?” lol.

I don’t know if I like it, sort of being in the spotlight so to speak. I kind of just want to go back to being a no-name indie author. lol. Now I have these fans with huge expectations for my next work, and I haven’t even really hit the vein of inspiration for my next work yet. I have my idea but I haven’t found my creative stride. It’s easy to do amazing things when nobody knows who you are. lol. Suddenly when you’re in the spotlight, it’s pretty intimidating.

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